Expectations

Everyone has them… expectations… especially on other people… how a person should act, dress, behave, raise their kids, love their parents etc..

And then we have expectations on ourselves… what we should achieve, do etc.

I am the wife if a pastor, and although we live in the 21st century, and my husband co pastors a large reasonably modern church there are expectations.. not just on me, but also my husband and daughter… it’s expected to contribute in a certain way. I am away a lot, so some of that transfers to my daughter too. When a member expresses how my husband should behave as a pastor it hurts too… I also have expectations on myself as to how I should live my life.. and I often let myself down too… especially being away so much (which also attracts comments)

Why am I writing this? Cause I read a recent article on self worth and what matters. Is it hard to look at yourself through someone’s expectations on you? Yes!! But it’s not needed to be hard. Our self worth comes through Jesus only. Only through His grace can we live up to our full potential. His expectations on us are that we accept His grace.

With that in mind, I will try to be not do hard on myself… it’s good to be reminded sometimes!!!

(And dad… am not sad!!)

The King’s daughter is all glorious within” Psalm 45:13

Song

One of my favourite songs is the well known hymn ‘this is my Fathers world’. It tells me that no matter what He is in control!

It does not always feel that way…. the week started out with me being stuck in France for a day due to a cancelled flight. The plane had something wrong with its software and was not cleared to fly. I arrived a day later at my destination Costa Rica. And that while my work is so busy… a day makes a difference!

On Wednesday England lost the semi final football game to Croatia… I am not a football fan by any stretch of the imagination, but I also got swept up in the hype and the ‘catch phrase’: it’s coming home! Instead we get to support either France or Croatia in the finals… and England gets to wait another 4 years..

My back is slowly getting better…

and on Friday it was the 13th… not that I am superstitious, but don’t you sometimes wonder? And avoid black cats?

That’s when that song comes back in my thoughts… the last couple sentences are as follows:

This is my Father’s world:

why should my heart be sad?

The Lord is King; let the heavens ring!

God reigns; let the earth be glad!

And that is exactly what I am doing…. be glad!! Enjoy nature… He is in control!!

Life Lessons

As I’ve mentioned in a previous blog post…life doesn’t always go the way you want it to or the way you’ve planned. When you look at the news headlines from the last couple weeks, one thing has been apparent…more and more people are committing suicide. So I asked myself why? The most common answer that kept coming forward for me was loneliness, depression and low self esteem. The three go hand in hand and feed each other.

As someone who suffers from anxiety, depression and a low self esteem, it is easy to be told to just speak up when you need help. But it really isn’t that easy, when I am down I socially isolate myself. I don’t mean to do it…I don’t want to do it either, my brain tells me that I’m being silly but my anxiety ridden part of my brain comes out with all the ‘what ifs’. Now I’m not saying don’t be there for those who are going through this, all I’m saying is that it isn’t black and white…gives us time.

The self esteem issue is one that is growing, I’m seeing the younger generations struggling more and more with their self image, and to be honest I am too. Media nowadays is constantly bombarding us with what is deemed ‘beautiful’. Gone are the days when it used to be ‘beauty is in the eye of the beholder’…freckles are labeled as imperfections. Curves, which used to be ‘the fashion’ is now considered majorly unhealthy and ugly…We are in a society where instead of building each other up, we are tearing each other apart! And then we get shocked when a young person or a celebrity commits or attempts to commit suicide.

We are all unique, shouldn’t we be celebrating that!? I dread to think what it would be like for there to be 2 of me…my parents would definitely agree there! But I also know that they wouldn’t want to imagine a world without me…and I wouldn’t want to imagine a world without my friends or family. So rather than tearing each other apart…lets celebrate what makes us unique!! Instead of finding fault in someone…find something positive in each person you meet!

We are all beautiful! Whether its your freckles, or your smile…we are all beautiful! Being brought up in a religious family, my parents used to always tell me ‘God doesn’t make things that aren’t beautiful and perfect’ and ‘the God who made the mountains and seas, felt like the world needed a ‘you’’. Those stuck with me and helped me when my self esteem was at the lowest.

I still struggle on a daily basis with my self esteem but I try every morning with a daily affirmation that I repeat to myself all day when I feel low. Some days those affirmations are ‘I release negativity from my body and mind’ to ‘I will not compare myself to others. I stay in my lane. I compare myself only to how far I have come and where I want to go.’

So what about you? What is your affirmation quote of the day? What helps you when you are struggling with depression, anxiety, low self esteem or loneliness?

Christian in Science

Being a christian in a science world can be hard…it has led to many questions and led to me doubting my faith and everything that I thought I knew. My experience really started when I left for university for my undergrad degree.

Moving hours away from my parents (I studied in Bangor, Wales whilst living near London) meant that I would be far away from my parents and my church. It was the first time that I would be living out of my parents house, so not only would I have to adapt to  living on my own but I would finally be studying something that I have always had a passion for, knowing that it would be difficult.

I remember one of my first lectures so vividly, it was an introduction to the course and an overview of what the module would be teaching. I knew going in that there would be a lot of evolution but what threw me was that the lecturer in a class of 500 said ‘those that believe in creation are stupid’. I know I was not the only christian sitting in that room…I felt personally attacked.

Yes I believe in creation but I also believe in evolution. I don’t think that we all come from monkeys but there is evidence of microevolution and theres no denying that! What irritated me was that the lecturer had no respect for other points of view. It tainted my opinion on scientists…However, after speaking with dad that evening I realised that not all scientists would think that way…I was now a scientist and I wasn’t like that!

Yes I am one of the rare few that are christian in a scientific world. A world that teaches us to question everything and only believe something that we can see or undeniably prove. This contradicts the christian part of me…the part that blindly believes in something that we cannot ‘see’. Would I change either side…no! Absolutely not!

My scientific side has taught me so much. How to question things, how to prove things, how to argue my point, and it has opened my eyes to all the wonderful things on this planet. My christian side has also taught me a lot though. It has taught me that I am never alone, that I am always loved, no matter all my mistakes, and that there is hope in my darkest days. I am a miracle baby, science couldn’t understand how I came to exist, but here I am…26 years old, healthy (ish…) but alive and well.

Do I have all the answers? No. Do I still question my beliefs every day when science makes so much sense? Of course! But I also believe that you can’t grow in your faith unless you are tested. Not everyone will get tested in the same way…For me my journey isn’t anywhere near being done. But I think its important to be a christian in science. It has given me a whole new perspective on life and made me very open to new thoughts and ideas. Lets see what the rest of my life will throw at me…no doubt there will be plenty of questions! One thing I know for certain…my faith and science do not contradict one another…they go hand in hand and help me understand things in a deeper level.

What about you? Are you a christian in science? What’s your experience? And if you’re not a christian in science…what do you struggle with in your daily life? And if you’re a scientist…have you had to deal with any christians in science…and if so…whats been your experience? Let me know in the comments or message me privately!

~ The more I study science…the more I believe in God – Albert Einstein ~

Science is a Gift