Expectations

Everyone has them… expectations… especially on other people… how a person should act, dress, behave, raise their kids, love their parents etc..

And then we have expectations on ourselves… what we should achieve, do etc.

I am the wife if a pastor, and although we live in the 21st century, and my husband co pastors a large reasonably modern church there are expectations.. not just on me, but also my husband and daughter… it’s expected to contribute in a certain way. I am away a lot, so some of that transfers to my daughter too. When a member expresses how my husband should behave as a pastor it hurts too… I also have expectations on myself as to how I should live my life.. and I often let myself down too… especially being away so much (which also attracts comments)

Why am I writing this? Cause I read a recent article on self worth and what matters. Is it hard to look at yourself through someone’s expectations on you? Yes!! But it’s not needed to be hard. Our self worth comes through Jesus only. Only through His grace can we live up to our full potential. His expectations on us are that we accept His grace.

With that in mind, I will try to be not do hard on myself… it’s good to be reminded sometimes!!!

(And dad… am not sad!!)

The King’s daughter is all glorious within” Psalm 45:13

This and That

Quite a number of years ago there was a Dutch entry for the European Song Festival… the chorus had the sentence ‘een beetje van dit, een beetje van dat, een beetje zus, een beetje zo’… (English : a little bit of this, a little of that) Not sure why that song popped into my head but I guess it’s like that cause my thoughts are all messy…

My family is currently over the ocean, flying to Tobago to celebrate with the bride and groom there.. a wedding on the beach, how awesome is that! Sad I can’t join them, an experience I have to live through their eyes backed up by photos and FaceTime (what would we do without it).. meanwhile I am busy at work, currently in the US, which feels less like home now I am staying in hotels again..

Am sitting here in the Mall of America, eating an ice cream, listening to all the screaming from the people in the rides in the theme park in it.

Carefree they are, not burdened yet by all we as ‘responsible’ people deal with on a daily basis…

Jesus said ‘be as the kids, as they will inherit the Kingdom’

Maybe that is my topic of today… it does not matter where we all are, as long as we can enjoy and share together.. and be spontaneous and carefree as the kids are…

See, this and that… really nothing much…

Distance

Distance is a funny thing… it can tell you what’s really important in your life…. and it can tell you what’s not worth keeping close.

This week started with my return from Costa Rica without my suitcases… these decided to hang out in Atlanta a day longer… funny… I did not appreciate that distance!! And I prefer to keep my suitcases close.

Melody graduated from Manchester Metropolitan University, which was a distance worth getting to. It was a really great family day… and she did her Masters by Research, at distance (most of her paper was written in the US). Distance allowed her to take the time out to do the research.

We met up with Karsten and Kirsten on Thursday… they are now living down under in New Zealand… a distance not really appreciated! It was great to chat and eat and share life… something we miss doing. Distance did not change this friendship.

On Friday I met up with my dear friend Althea. I was so glad to hang out with her… when I am away I miss her… distance is again negative…however, she is my sister and the connection is there no matter where we are!

Last night was the blood moon… completely cloudy here in Wooburn Green… while my dad texted me that the view was great in the Netherlands… more unappreciated distance… I miss my parents..

Sometimes God feels very distant. This probably has more to do with me than with Him as He is always there. I don’t always seek Him. A distance easily changed by my attitude.

Distance sometimes let’s you know who’s worth keeping and who’s worth letting go (saying from the internet)

Friendship

Friendships come in many different forms… needs are filled in many different ways…

I travel a lot, and am not often anywhere long enough to feel at home. However, I am truly blessed to meet many wonderful people. I know I have blogged on this before… but it truly is worth repeating. Friendship is not just one thing.. it’s lots of things.., and it makes life richer.

These last weeks in Costa Rica I have been privileged and blessed to hang out with colleagues who have become friends too.. they go out of their way to make me feel welcome, each in their own unique way.. whether it’s some fun over the phone, a smile while chatting about nothing, or playing games just because it’s fun… sharing a meal…sharing life.

Below a small selection of photos..

Friendship is not a big thing… it truly is a bunch of little things.

Exploring London…

A couple weeks ago I realised that I had never been to London on my own. I knew the reason for this was my anxiety, but that same week I had decided that I was going to fight this. I was going to fight my depression and anxiety head on and not let it beat me.

So here I was on a Wednesday morning, packing my rucksack with everything I thought I would need and off I went. After a quick stop off at Dad’s church, he dropped me off at Watford Junction and I was on my way…no turning back now…trust me, the anxiety was winning…my illogical part of my brain was telling me that everything would go wrong and I should just go home and lie in bed. But I thought the better of it and pushed through.

After a quick check to make sure I had enough on my Oyster card, I ran into one of my old school friends and instantly the anxiety reduced. Instantly I was calmer. Turned out that he was headed for the Science Museum which is directly behind the Natural History Museum. The anxiety for travelling had almost completely disappeared at this point and the other fears and anxieties built up. But again, I didn’t give in. I powered through.

About 30 minutes later and there I am, standing in front of the Natural History Museum. Now my plan had been to spend the day there, meandering through all the different sections and reading as much information as possible. However, the second I walked through the doors, I realised that that wasn’t going to happen. It was so incredibly busy, and boiling hot! Not a great combination when you are already struggling with anxiety!

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I tried to enjoy myself as much as I could but after about an hour, I gave in and left. I moved on to the Victoria and Albert Museum, hoping that that would be quieter, unfortunately, it wasn’t. So after a quick dash through the V&A and a quick pep talk from someone special, I picked up the guts, ignored my anxiety and decided to go to the British Museum.

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The British Museum has always been one of my favourites as it includes a lot of ancient Egyptian history and Ancient Greek history, two of my favourite topics!! Yes, it was busy and hot like the other 2 museums, and yet my anxiety was a lot less there.  I was able to distract myself with all of the awesome history that surrounded me. I drowned out the illogical brain and all of my anxieties, I was actually able to enjoy myself!

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Multiple hours were spent here just wandering around looking at all the different artefacts and then realising two important things:

1) How many plaques said ‘now missing’ or ‘now destroyed’ and it made me sad to think about how much history we have already lost and would never be able to discover!

2) That the Natural History Museum didn’t have any information that I saw about the current crisis and what we can do to help to stop more extinctions, etc to happen.

The journey back really tested my anxiety and fear though. It was just before rush hour, but people were already there and pushing. I decided to let one train go as it was so busy and full that I knew it would be a recipe for disaster. The next train was practically empty and I was able to avoid a near-certain panic attack.

Now for those who don’t suffer from anxiety, this day just sounds pretty calm and ‘normal’. For me, however, it was a HUGE step. It allowed me to see that I can push through and not let anxiety run my life. It also showed me that London isn’t such a scary place to explore on your own! Would I do it again? Definitely!! I’m already planning my next trip in!!

If you suffer from anxiety…what do you do to stop it? How do/did you overcome it?

Song

One of my favourite songs is the well known hymn ‘this is my Fathers world’. It tells me that no matter what He is in control!

It does not always feel that way…. the week started out with me being stuck in France for a day due to a cancelled flight. The plane had something wrong with its software and was not cleared to fly. I arrived a day later at my destination Costa Rica. And that while my work is so busy… a day makes a difference!

On Wednesday England lost the semi final football game to Croatia… I am not a football fan by any stretch of the imagination, but I also got swept up in the hype and the ‘catch phrase’: it’s coming home! Instead we get to support either France or Croatia in the finals… and England gets to wait another 4 years..

My back is slowly getting better…

and on Friday it was the 13th… not that I am superstitious, but don’t you sometimes wonder? And avoid black cats?

That’s when that song comes back in my thoughts… the last couple sentences are as follows:

This is my Father’s world:

why should my heart be sad?

The Lord is King; let the heavens ring!

God reigns; let the earth be glad!

And that is exactly what I am doing…. be glad!! Enjoy nature… He is in control!!

Some Weeks are Better than Others

This was one of those weeks I did not mind was passing quickly. I eluded in my previous post I hurt my back… I actually really hurt it and was flat on my bed all day Monday. I could not drive, so Geert graciously took me to work the other days of this week and picked me up again.

As a reward he is now at the dentist with a broken molar….I try to stretch and walk as much as possible as I have a long plane flight ahead of me on Sunday. But.. through it all I am very grateful.

Grateful I got to spend quality time with my little family. Even though we worked, the time spent in the car could be used for dreams and future plans. Daydreaming is wonderful, you are not restricted by time, space or money.

The week has nearly passed, the day of rest is approaching. The weather is glorious, and it’s not happiness that brings us gratitude. It’s gratitude that brings us happiness!

I hope you can find lots to be grateful for!

Happy Weekend!

Lazy Sundays

A typical Sunday in the Tap household is cleaning, grocery shopping, eating… or taking me to the airport for me to travel to someplace or other…

Not this Sunday though… we thought about going to the beach due to the nice weather, but changed our minds when pictures of the beach emerged in the news and it looked like you could walk over the heads of people.. instead, a picnic in Cliveden was on the cards.

We have been National Trust members for a couple years, but not made it to Cliveden yet. The estate is not far from our house, and this day we decided to have a look there. It’s a beautiful park! A beautiful hotel too, but we did not make it that far… we found a lovely space in the shade under a tree and spend a few hours just having family fun.

Although I hurt my back a little, this truly is what family fun is about… Mel and I crocheting, Geert reading for his classes… just idling the time away together.

It reminds me of that passage in the Bible of the wedding in Cana. Jesus hung out with His friends and family, showing it’s important to make time for each other… it was His first miracle in the Gospels actually, where He turned water to wine… to me though, the most important part is the being together having fun bit! Spending time….

What’s your Sunday routine? Rushed to get ready for the week? Or are you able to take time out to have fun with family and friends?

Chunky Veggie Chilli

One of our favourite recipes is chunky veggie chilli and we wanted to share the recipe with you!

Ingredients (for 4-6 people):

  • 1 large sweet potato
  • 2 onions
  • 3 or 4 carrots
  • 1 green pepper
  • 1 red pepper
  • 1 yellow pepper
  • 2 garlic cloves
  • 1 tbsp olive oil
  • 1 tsp ground cumin
  • 1 tsp ground cinnamon
  • 1 tspchilli powder (we use mild)
  • 2x tins red kidney beans in chilli sauce
  • 1x tin mixed taco beans in chilli or tomato sauce
  • 1x 500g passata
  • 1x tin of sweetcorn
  • Tortilla chips to serve
  • Guacamole
  • Soured Cream

Method:

  • Roughly chop all the veggies
  • Cook in oil until fork tender
  • Add the spices and cook for a further minute
  • Add the beans and passata and cook till hot
  • Serve with tortilla chips, guacamole and sourced cream
  • Add some grated cheese if you fancy

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